So I leave the library with my guy and bring him to class and while we atw lunch there was some douchebag who kept saying everything was retarded and it offend my guy so after he went to class I walked back down yelled at the kid and did networking. Now I’m sitting in class waiting for it to finish so I can just go over to Sheas and cry before going to a doctors appointment to tell them that my meds work regardless of how shitty today is
Today I’m feeling so down. It started off a good day woke up next to my man and cat. Got to my dentist appointment on time, had the crown fitted and left to get coffee. I had to wait 15 minutes til it opened, whatever no biggy. I was suppose to have the morning off but when I got to car I had a message on my work phone saying to call in so I call and I find out I have to get to the office asap to do paperwork that I already did but the system deleted. I was going to stop by before my advisement appointment but then I find out it is at 9:00 instead of 9:30 so I get there late and thankfully I was still seen I picked out classes told my advisor my goals and how I want to go to ualbany well my GPA isn’t high enough and since I failed out of Cobleskill they would see that. So for my remaining time at HVCC I have to get a 4.0 each semester and I should have no issue getting into the college but I probably won’t get into my program. What? Like seriously? I am devasted I have worked my ass off this semester and since I fucked up in the past I fucked up my future? Shit. So I finally get to work and fix my paper work that I didn’t even mess up just to have my boss scold me like I didn’t do anything wrong. I get to my car to get one of my guys and then my day keeps mellowing on. I go to the library with him and pick out my classes and then I get call saying I was approved for adopting a kitten. I was so happy. After I looked at my course load I realized there is no way I can have a kitten with all my classes work and having to get a 4.0. My bad day just keeps getting worst and now my phone is like not working since this is so long so I’ll have to finish it in part 2
So I’m sitting here at work and realizing just how amazing my life is. I have a great job yes I make shitty money and have a lot stress but I’m making a difference in peoples lives and that means so much to me. I’m lucky enough that this job is easy enough that I can do homework at work which they already help me pay for. From this job I met my boyfriend. This job has made a huge impact on my life and the opportunity to go to my degree program came up and I can’t take it. I can’t leave my guys, I’d rather just drag it out and figure out a way to be able to still see them and work with them. I know I can’t work here forever but at the same time I don’t want to leave them. We have overcome so much together and I love them all in a unique way. I just can’t imagine having to just leave them. And if I left I don’t trust anyone else to get them to their goals. Why is this so hard?
So I know its been a long time since I’ve been on tumblr, so i might as well make a good comeback. I have since broken up with the guy who I though as the love of my life and have been lucky enough to fall in love again. This time I was stupid though and I cheated on him. He is such an amazing man that he toke me back and it led to some crazy conversations in the aftermath. Thats when I realized that Seamus and I have never talked about sex. So it turns out that we have a lot in common and both have a lot common sexually. Before any of this happened though we had a nice dinner quite a few glasses of wine and we downloaded a few Kama Sutra apps and put it on shuffle and tried every position that came up. The next day it lead to some conversations about porn and masturbation and sexual fantasys. Later we went to a small sex shop and bought some his and her lube by ky and a sex game. It was the closest I have ever felt to another human being. It wasnt just sex it was love. Afterwards we had a conversation about weed. Seamus loves it and I am worried that I’ll get drug tested at work so I haven’t been really. It turns out that Seamus thought I wasnt open to that kind of stuff. Crazy! We’ve been dating for six months and say we love each other but we barely knew each other so we smoke a bowl and then we played with our baseball swings which lead to a crazy coach and student role playing and we had sex for two hours. It was the best sex of my life. So the moral is talk about sex early on.
I can’t wait til I get the kitten, her name is going to Esmeralda and I love her already. That’s all.
Im sitting here wondering how can someone act so fake? You are my mom i came home because i think ill be better off at the bottom of the hudson and you are more concerned about painting your bedroom with your boyfriend? you act like your five years old its pathetic. Whats more pathetic is that we need to get to each other to see if he’ll like me. Truth be told i dont give a fuck if he likes me or not, Im not going to put on an act of innocence to get someone to like me. im a straight up person you either like me or not. I dont want to get to know him either, hes your boyfriend not my father. Yes he is amazing father figure to my brother the love of my life and yes he is better then both the guys who knocked you up but i will never call someone daddy. Get. Over. It. I am use to being on my own but when i try to talk to you to let off stress so i dont cut myself you fucking change the subject to brian. I dont give a fuck about him or your relationship with him. Im truly sorry i cant care, but i cant. Its like how you care about me so much when hes around. wait you dont. I hope someday you can manage us both. I wish i could drink an entire handle of vodka before i have to sit down to dinner with your “family” but i cant because i cant buy it and if i get caught drinking i get kicked out. Dealing with this might be easier fucked up but i cant i have to deal with it stone cold sober craving a stoge. I wont cut myself so i can spare you the time to yell at me for it. instead im going to draw a butterfly on my arm and smile on my face just to please you.